In My Hood, They Call Me Snow

White, that is.

Who knew that with advanced age, your kids would also advance in funniness? And, okay, maybe weirdness.
with pantsLaylee has been bedecked in Snow White attire for the past 2 weeks. All day, every day. Nighttimes too. I see no problem with this as long as she’s willing to wear pants under her gown when it’s cold and as long as I can launder it from time to time.

When the shell of her alter-ego is spinning in the evil torture chamber of cleanly death, she frequently checks on it and asks me if it’s done yet.

Me: Go put your hand on the washer and see if it’s still going “Rrrrrrrrrrr.” If it is, Snow White isn’t done yet.
Laylee (leaving and returning a minute later): I think it’s done.
Me: I can hear it going from here. It’s not done.

Laylee then flops to the ground, pretending to sob. I flip the page of my magazine and eat another bon-bon.

snow white

Friday night, DYD comes home from work.

DYD: Laylee! Can I have a big hug?
Laylee (turning away with a snooty expression): NO!
DYD: Oh, that’s too bad.
Laylee (turning back with a sly grin): My NAME is Snow White!
DYD: Can I have a big squeezy hug, Snow White?
Laylee: YES!

At the dentist yesterday, we enter the office and the dentist says, “Hello Snow White.”

Laylee turns back to me with her mouth and eyes open HUGE and gives me an astonished look that says, “He knows my NAME!”

dentist

We then go out for burgers and stop by the “mini-zoo” (read this – PETCO). Here we pick out new fish, guppies this time. We pick a boy and a girl, thinking it will be a riot to watch them reproduce and have little fishy babies.

new fishLaylee names the daddy fish Jack (of course!) and the mommy fish Hennison (Don’t ask. I have no idea.). She keeps asking when the baby fish will come out. When we get home, she watches a movie with the fishies in close proximity.

We see no action. In fact, they aren’t even eating their food so we may end up taking PETCO up on their Tropical Fish Guarantee. That’s right””if your new pet bites the big one in it’s first 15 days with your family, you can bring the corpse in for a new, live one.

Dan wonders aloud if this guarantee works with the other pets they sell. You walk in, carrying your cat by the tail. “Our new kitty Buster Aloisius McFrick became roadkill last night. Can we please have a replacement?”

Snow White has been cracking jokes left and right. My current favorite is her use of a quote from the movie Cinderella this afternoon.

I was leaving for choir when she came up and asked, “Is that your dress?” flicking my wrap-around skirt open.

Me: Yes it is.
Laylee (with a twinkle in her eye): It looks like a blanket! Would you please hold my BROOM?! (breaking into hysterical laugher) That’s what the stepsister says. It’s so mean! (more laughter)

I don’t mind taking this kind of derision from Snow Laylee because:

A. She’s just experimenting with her sense of humor and comic timing.
B. She is hilarious.
C. She is barely 3.
D. Earlier today we had this conversation:

Laylee: You’re doing a good job coloring Mommy!
Me: Thanks. I like Care Bears.
Laylee: I said ‘You’re doing a good job’ and that was really nice. That’s called encourgent!
Me: Do you mean ‘encouragement’?
Laylee: Yes. I said something nice to you and you’re doing a good job. That’s called encouragement.

One last random bit of dialogue:

Laylee and I are coloring on the floor, concentrating hard on our masterpieces. A Raffi CD is playing quietly in the background.

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin’ for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin’ for to carry me home

Laylee (laughing but not looking up): He’s TOO BIG!
Me: Who?
Laylee: Raffi. He’s TOO BIG!
Me: Too big for what?
Laylee: He says, “carry me home,” but THEY CAN’T! He’s TOO BIG! I’m little. You can carry me home. SOMEtimes. (shakes her head and laughs, never looking up from her coloring book)

And, finally – Here it is, unstyled and un-product-ed:

the shag

Let’s call a truce and dub it a “shag.”

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