We Can Thank the Orphans

Careful driving and pagan holidays — brought to you by children with no parents.

call me 'Chuck'

Laylee: Why are you driving so slow?
Me: I’m being careful because there are so many kids out on the streets.
Laylee: You have to drive really slow because some kids have no moms and no dads. Halloween is good for kids with no moms and no dads because they can have something to EAT!

trick or treat at the officePraise Buddha for Halloween! I was kind of sort of kidding about sending candy to orphans for a tax write-off. I guess some people do it and according to Laylee, that’s the only way they get to eat… so hand out protein bars or fruit snacks next year people.

At each door, Laylee would yell “Trick or Treat,” and knock on the door gently. Magoo would throw his body against the door, bang with his fists and yell “TREAT!” He wasn’t taking the chance that they’d choose the flaming bag of excrement over giving him a pixie stick (thanks to Falwyn for the link).

I fear my children are being ostracized for their Canadian ancestry. In my hood growing up, doorbells were for wimps and losers. If you couldn’t yell “TRICK OR TREAT” loud enough to be heard, you didn’t deserve any candy. Laylee was repeatedly put in her place for not waiting until the candy givers came to the door to say it. She also frequently walked right into stranger’s homes exploring. I think that urge must come from Dan’s side of the family. If she doesn’t curb that tendency, she’s bound to be shunned for the Utah in her too.

To be fair, I often blame my odd quirks on my Canadianism when really, it’s very possible that I’m just incredibly strange.

Laylee: Oooo…It’s pretty,
Laylee: pretty.
Laylee: It’s pretty SCARY.
pretty scary
Every single one of our trick-or-treaters were dressed like a pirate. We only had one — total… but still. Show some originality!

Speaking of no trick-or-treaters coming to my block, I fear I may be falling in love with my next door neighbors and I hardly know them. They spent around 80 hours decorating their house as an enchanted palace of horror, the floating ghosts, the strobe light, the amazing cobwebs, the wreath of bones, the animatronic hand in the candy bowl, the screen projecting NOS FERATU OUT THEIR FRONT WINDOW! They have been in this area 3 years and average 5 kids per year coming by their house so they just try harder and harder. In the Ziploc bags they gave away were multiple candies, plastic jewelry, VAMPIRE TEETH, play-doh and I don’t know what else. They just plain rock.

a fairy, you can tell by the wings
Laylee ooed and awed over every beautiful dress. “Oh! Isn’t she such a lovely princess?” She made more than one insecure tween girl blush with pride. They should have been proud to be among the few and the bold ones actually wearing clothing tonight.

It seems that most tween boys went as hockey masks and the majority of the tween girls went as mental patients. It was FREEZING out there and I saw way too much black fishnet for my taste.

Me: One more house or go home?
Laylee: One more house.
Me: We can’t go trick-or-treating forever.
Laylee: I promise I won’t make you go trick-or-treating forever.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind. I love trick-or-treating more than she’ll ever know. I’m so glad I can finally do it again without people rolling their eyes or asking my age.

The Cars movie has influenced the way Laylee sees vehicles. They all have emotions. All Civics are “pretty sad.” Explorers are “more happier.” By the end of trick-or-treating tonight, they were all “pretty tired”, Laylee noticed. I think they were also frozen solid.

And now, a highly accurate scientifically aged photo:

now150 years from now

the reasons: fairies and Charlie Brown

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