My Favorite Things- A Petition

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend over the last few years in our media.  There is an increased use of the song, My Favorite Things, as an anthem of Christmas and I think it’s just wrong.  I can offer plenty of evidence for this.  First of all, Fräulein Maria sang it to the children in the middle of the summer during the Nazis.  Nazis have nothing to do with Christmas. 

Also, Dan played a saxophone solo on that song when he was in an amusement park band for a summer job.  SUMMER.  Are you noticing a trend here people?  Personally, I think that’s all the support I need to have the song yanked from the airwaves, Christmas albums and TV specials. 

However, before I mount a full scale attack on those persons who are set on misusing Rodgers and Hammerstein’s classic tune, I will perform an unbiased statistical analysis of the song lyrics themselves.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;
Brown paper packages tied up with strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels;
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles;
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes;
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes;
Silver-white winters that melt into springs;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Raindrops are a NO.  Christmases should be white, not soggy.

Roses can be red, which is a Christmas color but I associate them more with my birthday or tomorrow (hint, hint) so they get a NO.

Whiskers on kittens.  Hmmm… Some people have been known to give kittens as Christmas presents, which is a very bad idea and if you’re planning it, put air holes in the box or you’re gonna have a very disturbed toddler on your hands.  They also have warm fur which could be removed and used to make winter coats so I will approve them.  YES to kittens.

Bright copper kettles make hot cocoa, which Santa LOVES so YES.

Warm woolen mittens.  Duh.  YES.

Brown paper packages tied up with strings.  Either a dull and archaic wrapping choice or a Martha Stewart experiment in minimalist chic style, you cannot deny that packages fit nicely with Christmas.  YES.

Cream colored ponies can dash through the snow, pulling a slay full of festive carolers.   YES.

Crisp apple struddles, if served warm in front of a cheery hearth to children by a wrinkled old person would make me want to sniff some pine air freshener.  YES.

Doorbells — Carolers sing to attract attention and Santa never rings OR knocks.  NO.

Sleigh Bells — CURSE YOU Chris Van Allsburg!! YES.

Schnitzel with noodles.  This sounds like a dish the Nazis would eat, not the baby Jesus.  I say down with Schnitzel.  NO.

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings are probably migrating south for the winter.  They are flying to their Christmas homes in Florida.  I will have to concede a YES for geese and the moon.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes should be illegal after Labor Day.  Nice try Barbara Streisand.  This song should be removed from your Christmas album.  NO.

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes are a YES.  What says Christmas better than someone who looks like a fuzzy white frozen caterpillar curled up and died on their eyelids?

Silver white winters. YES. 

…that melt into springs.  NO.

Well, flippin’ cow!  It just doesn’t add up.  According to my scientific study, this song is 62.5% Christmassy.  I think I’ll have to leave it up to democracy, something I’m sure the Nazis would never allow.  Please leave your votes in the comments section, which I will then use as a petition to either have this song surgically removed from Christmas or inducted into the Christmas hall of fame.  It’s all up to you.