Catch Us in Five Minutes

This year instead of resolutions, I’ve written up a few family commandments.  If these really take off, I may consider licensing them to other families.  Stay tuned.

1.  No Comparisons Shall Be Made:
Walking through Costco yesterday, my children were staring into space immobilized, momentarily mesmerized by a stack of bargain-priced designer jeans.  At that moment, a woman came around the corner with her daughter squeaking softly and straining at her lap belt.

The woman pointed to Laylee and Magoo and said to her daughter, “Look at those kids.  They’re not screaming and trying to get out of the cart.”

“Catch us in five minutes,” I laughed, earning a glare from the “comparison shopper”.

Seriously, I say down with comparisons.  There will be no comparing myself to the woman with 8 kids who still wears a size I haven’t been acquainted with since second grade, no comparing Laylee’s fits of personal expression with Magoo’s sleeping form, no comparing my salary with Dan’s (Honestly how can he possibly compete with what I make teaching one piano student and blogging?  It’s just demoralizing.)

2.  All Children Must Needs Nappeth — Laylee made the mistake of asking for a nap yesterday and then… actually sleeping.  It’s all over now.  Last week I would have said, “My daughter stopped napping over a year ago.”Â  Next week I’ll be saying something much more witty and fabulous because I’ll have an hour every day to LET MY BRAIN RELAX.  (Of course you know now that I’ve typed this, she will never sleep again, day or night.)

3.  When Thou Cuttest the Hairs of Thy Head, the Shortest Layers Shall Not Be in Length Smaller Than One Half the Length of the Longest Layers, Resultething in a Mullet or Anything Like Unto It.

This does not mean necessarily that I’m cutting off Magoo’s curls.  I think a bushy mullet is an acceptable mullet, at least for 2007.

4. I Shalt Not Zone Out

If I think of any more, I’ll let you know.

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