NoI’mNot YesYouAre

I was recently babysitting for a friend’s daughter, an adorable little 2-year-old elf who can spell her 3-syllable last name perfectly.   She reminds me of a corporate executive in miniature with bulbous pig-tale buns, marching around the house and calling me by my last name. 

“Thompson!  Excuse me! What does this toy do?”

“Hey THOMPSON!  Excuse me! Where are you?”

I spent the morning laughing at her polite attempts at dictatorship and asking her to spell things and coach Magoo at football.

At one point she and Magoo got into a tiff about something in which one was yelling yes and the other was yelling no.  They stood about 5 inches apart, hollering at each other until they forgot whose job it was to say “yes” and who was rooting for “no” to win. 

Half an hour later, I was called onto the field or into the boardroom or whatever. 

Olive: Thompson!  Who’s in that picture?”
Me: Me and Laylee’s Dad.
Olive: What are you doing?
Me:  We’re drinking soda.
Olive:  But what are you doing, Thompson?
Me:  Drinking soda.
Olive:  No.  You’re kissing.
Me:  No we’re not.
Olive:  Yes.  You’re kissing.
Me:  No. [pulling the picture down]  See, we’re just drinking soda from two straws that are very close together.
Olive [eyeing the photo suspiciously]:  O-kaaay.

Then she was off with purposeful steps, her hair bouncing sweetly behind her.  My word! I need to get me a kid like that.  Acutally, I don’t need a kid like that.  I think I would die from the cuteness. 

Then Laylee punched her in the face.  I really hope her mom doesn’t mind large red facial welts.  She could have fallen asleep on her arm.  Sometimes that leaves a mark.  Ayayay.

I do want to point out my favorite parts of this picture, the parts no one notices, the reasons I still keep it framed in my front room.

#1 — The tadpole — This picture was taken right after I peed on a stick, saw a double pink line for the first time and announced it to my entire family.  What could be more romantic than that?  I bet you’d share a soda in public too if it happened to you.

#2 — This guy — He would not share a soda.  I love the horrified look on his face.  “Are they kissing?  At an outdoor theater?  Does this lawn chair come with a vomit receptacle?”

I now close my eyes tightly, throw a penny in our backyard puddle and wish that guy was available to make facial commentary in the background of all our family photos.