Evidence is mounting that I may in fact be ULTIMATE.
When we bought my new laptop, Dan went out to buy software. He came home with Windows Vista and Office and I protested, “The computer came with Vista already installed.”
“No,” said Dan, “It came with Vista Home Edition. I got you Vista ULTIMATE.”
Apparently you can buy several versions of Microsoft Windows Vista — Toddler, Student, Dropout, Home, Vacation Home, Feckless Slacker, Bidness, Successful Bidness, and ULTIMATE.
Dan thinks I’m neither “Feckless” nor “Home” very often and he certainly doesn’t want to get all up in my “Bidness.” Indeed one of the reasons he married me was because I am ULTIMATE so there you go.
He also purchased the ULTIMATE edition of Office and later asked me how I was enjoying it. “It’s ULTIMATE,” I replied and I was mostly serious.
That same week I ran out of mascara and called up Stephanie, my favorite Mary Kay-vangelist for some assistance.
“Which mascara do you suggest? I want my lashes to look nice but not like a caterpillar curled up and died on my eyelids. I also don’t want to have to burn the mascara off with acid at the end of each day so I try to steer clear of waterproof.”
“Then you want the ULTIMATE Mascara.”
“Why of course I do.”
So I’ve been wearing the ULTIMATE Mascara for a while now and the coverage and lengthening properties are not the only things that are ULTIMATE about it.
Each night when I wash my face, I dry my eyes on a towel, leaving two black mascara spots. I’ve done this for years. Normally, I’m left with a small black residue around each eye which I either wash off or sort of blend away with moisturizer.
No more. Each night when I wash the ULTIMATE Mascara from my eyes, I’m left with the ULTIMATE Mascara circles.
So now I want to upgrade everything in my house. Hook me up with Kashi Go Lean ULTIMATE — now with even more natural-looking twigs and branches, Google Translator ULTIMATE — now offering translations of Magoolish dialogue into English, Spanish and Pig Latin, Laundry Room ULTIMATE — now with clothes sorting and folding features.