Saving the World, One Piece of Living Slime at a Time

creatures1Sometimes I like to play a game called “If I Were A Rodent, Where Would I Build A Nest For My Babies?” This game gets boring because the answer is always the same — out in the bamboo pile in the corner of the Daring Yard, where the garden is supposed to be.

I keep telling Dan this and he laughs and tousles my hair. “No vermin are building a summer home in our… vermin summer home.”

So, this weekend when I went to clear the pile and plant a garden, I asked Dan to first take a pitchfork and ram and twist it around in Hotel Rodentia. He swore he did this but I happen to know he doesn’t even own a pitchfork.

Today when I went to move the bamboo, I saw several worms crawl away and then a couple of tiny grey blobs with snouts and large pink feet waved at me from under a leaf! I am a rodent-phobe. I have been known to shake and cry after seeing a dead mouse within a mile of my house because a dead mouse within a mile of my house meant that a living mouse could be living under my bed and eating my brains through my ears one bite at a time while I slept.

creatures2I started to have a panic attack at the sight of these mutants but for the sake of my children, I did some breathing and positive self-talk, scooped them up onto my shovel, let the kids look at the “cute, cute adorable wittle mousies,” and then hucked them over the fence into forest.

Laylee was crushed. She said they were her pets, that she loved them and she made me promise not to throw any more into the forest so that they wouldn’t get stomped by a Bambi-deer or eaten by a tiger.

creaturesShe befriended many other beasties today. A week ago she wouldn’t touch dirt without gloves on. Today she was scooping up piles of slimy worms and sorting them into family groups. She told me how much she liked helping “udders” and saving the worms by laying them out flat on the dry hot deck with their new parents and siblings to happily become worm-jerky. I gently explained that they might like it better in a bucket with water and dirt so now each family of worms is in a different cup of dirt, scattered around the yard where Magoo can never never find them.

She even brought me a slug in a cup. “He is my friend. I like him. I put him in this bucket so he can have everlasting life. That means he lives forever.”

After the rodent incident (Wikipedia thinks they’re moles), I continued to clear and rake and plant until we had a nice little garden of dirt out back. Laylee helped water the garden and then stuck the spray nozzle in my running shoe until it was completely saturated while I changed laundry loads. “I wasn’t trying to get your shoe wet. I was trying to get the ground under it wet and it must have gotten in the way.” Ya-huh? Would you like help unwedging the nozzle?

When Dan got home, she told him about ALL the pets, including the future moles we are bound to find if we ever clear out the rest of that bamboo. “Mom is not throwing any more into the forest because they are very tender to ME. They are my pets and I love them.”

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27 Responses to Saving the World, One Piece of Living Slime at a Time

  1. Millie says:

    Hee hee, “worm jerky.”

    I was a little nervous when you mentioned the pitchfork, juxtaposed next to the picture of what looks like a dead mole. But then you put my fears at rest. I’m glad you don’t own a pitchfork.

    I think you’d be aware of a mouse trying to eat your brain well before he made it past your ear.

  2. Kimberly says:

    That post was at least seven kinds of wonderful. And it leaves me feeling in desperate need of a shower. Laylee is so incredibly precocious and precious. Don’t you love how similar those words are?

  3. Awesome Mom says:

    Lol!! When I was a little kid my dad found a nest of mice. We all went into hysterical crying when we found out that he was going to crush the cute little mousies with a rock. Too bad he had killed the mom in a trap earlier, we did not realize that they were a goner any way.

    I think that your “pets” look like moles.

  4. Heffalump says:

    I don’t like rodents either. We have occasionally had mice, and we had an unfortunate incident with a rat last year. We managed to catch it, put it in a bucket and I drove it a few miles away and set it free in the woods. Our detached garage was home to some rats, and a squirrel. I hate rodents. HATE them. Now I have an unfortunate picture in my mind of how huge moles front feet are and I can never look at the molehills in our front yard the same. You promised not to throw any more moles over the fence, but Dan didn’t. You should take Laylee out for some ice cream and make Dan stay there and take back your yard!

  5. Jenny says:

    very funny as usual. poor moles, happily snoozing under the bamboo pile when WHAPOW! they’re flung into the jungle by a giant shovel weilding momma. Scary!

  6. Sketchy says:

    I think Heffa has the right idea…baby mole flinging is a Dad sport. Because they are very tender to me. LOL!

  7. Mary says:

    Ack! You are very brave. The sight of one of those would have sent me running and screaming to the house with or without the children. The worm sorting is cracking me up! Slimy!

  8. Kage says:

    Thanks for making the rodent picture out of focus….I appreaciate that

  9. Mir says:

    I could be wrong, but I think that Laylee has that joy joy joy joy down in her heart. Just a feeling I have.

  10. Beth says:

    Mother’s Day morning, Heather comes in my room to tell me that Pepper, our ever hunting cat, has brought in a mouse for us. Usually it’s birds, so I asked her if she thought maybe it was just a stuffed toy. No Mommy..it’s a mouse, by Willow’s (our other cat) food dish. We all head in there to check it out and it wasn’t a mouse. It was a baby mole. Very sad. Very gross.

  11. chilihead says:

    More proof I must meet this Laylee. She and Wild Thing would be fast friends, I’m sure. They can make all the worm jerky they want while you and I cower in the corners bonding over our hate of rodentia.

  12. Shalee says:

    I’m with you on the rodent-phone issue. I would proudly scream like a girl were I to see a rodent/mole too. Wear it proudly, DYM; wear it well. And then tell Dan to get back there to rid yourselves of Laylee’s pets.

  13. Um, I’d just like to thank you for those photographs while I sit here EATING MY BREAKFAST. Sheesh.

  14. sarah k. says:

    Thie post makes me hungry. Worm-jerky…

  15. heather says:

    were the moles dead or sleeping? I guess it is good to find them while they are little- easier to find them a new home. I remember my grandmother telling me she spent a fortune to get the moles out of her yard.

    Good luck with the garden!

  16. Melissa says:

    If your rodents have everlasting life, I need to know where you live so that I can stay far away 🙂

  17. Lei says:

    *shudder*

  18. jk2boys says:

    Gross, I could never fling rodents over a fence. Well, I guess I could, if they were already dead and they were just flung into our yard by our neighbor’s son…(gross).
    Laylee and her Worm families! That’s cute! It reminds me of building lego houses for grasshoppers in our backyard and then force feeding them grass ’cause that’s what GRASShoppers eat? (or at least that’s what we thought).
    Good luck with Hotel Rodentia!

  19. Eve says:

    before I knew Laylee, I’d say you were exaggerating her speech. But know I can read and hear her little voice saying that stuff. It’s hilarious.

  20. Joy says:

    That’s so cute. I love kids with animals, even the yucky ones… My boys always have a frog or two in their bug houses these days. Those poor frogs. They just love them a little too much!

  21. Heff – Too funny. Dan and I have already thought of this. He told me I had lied to Laylee and I said, “No, I never said YOU wouldn’t throw them over.” Great minds think alike.

    Jenny – at least I let my kids sleep in peace…

    Kage – the out of focusness was totally on purpose… totally

    Heather – They’re sleeping. Well, they WERE sleeping. After their free fall, they may be sleeping a bit deeper.

  22. Liz says:

    starting your own “how to eat fried worms” experiment?

  23. Heidi says:

    Oh my. Moles are NOT our friends. If you come across any more, you’ll want to throw them a lot further away than over your fence. There’s a reason those front feet are shovel-shaped. Moles can make a mess of lawns and gardens like nobody’s business, says the woman whose garden bed is now well-tilled and devoid of perennials. (It was found drowned in the pond–ewwwww!)

  24. Dianne says:

    My first visit here and my side is killing me from laughing so hard – of course, that’s after I got back up off the floor!

    Last week, my younger son (12) was collecting worms with a friend’s daughter (9) and they were storing them in big pools (birdbath & wagon, respectively, full of water). Son wanted to bring his home – the humongous one, that is – his name was Emporer. He was placing him in a plastic Easter egg, along with a little water. I let him know that Emporer would prefer living in his existing home (at my friend’s) and he’d be terribly unhappy at our house. Besides, I didn’t really want worm water in the truck – ugh! Besides, I’m a really mean mom! LOL!! 😀

  25. Pam in Utah says:

    Last year a science Nobel Prize was given to someone for his work with worms! Not kidding. Let them learn about worms. Safely. 🙂 No eating.

  26. Arizaphale says:

    My first visit here too! Thanks to Melody at Slurping Life. We don’t get moles here in Australia, but remind me to tell you about the snake last summer!! 😀

  27. Oh, don’t even get me started on mice- or rats! We have those wonderful creatures as well! We had one in the house one time while Mr. Sparkle was gone- of course- and I called the cops to come get it. Of course, the little b#@*&rd hid from them and the moment they left, he came out to torment me once again!
    And worms- omigosh,,, no way…
    But… Laylee is adorable and kind to all creatures and you are a good mommy… and yes, that looks like an icky mole…
    Ewww…

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