Comments on: Mom: 2003-Present

By: Lori

Lori — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 16:12:54 +0000

Interesting post. My friend and I have been hashing this out for a while now and she directed me over here.

I’ve always wondered if my homeschooling sorts of things would “count” as work experience. We’ve been homeschooling for 7 years and now I’m teaching high school, jr. high, and elementary school, as well as managing twin toddlers. Surely that should count for something!

And I had to laugh about the “why our house looks like…our house”. That is so not my special gift!

By: Is It Naptime Yet » Blog Archive » School

Is It Naptime Yet » Blog Archive » School — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:44:03 +0000

[...] school? I think I can finally say yes, I miss going to school. I read a blog a little while back by daring young mom about keeping current and I thought, maybe I should go back and get my masters? Of course it was [...]

By: Jane

Jane — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 16:38:16 +0000

This was a thoughtful post, and I’m glad it made me think about my own decisions. Thanks for spurning me to reflection.
Sometimes I tell my husband, “I would choose you again and again.” I’m glad I feel the same way about being a SAHM: I really would choose to do this again every time. But I personally don’t feel that my conviction about that choice and my willingness to make it again, given the chance, is any stronger OR weaker because of the up-to-dateness of my resume. I’m all for pursuing the intellectual/leadership/service endeavors that bring you fulfillment and keep your skills honed. And those things will absolutely help you should you need/want to re-enter the workforce, but I just don’t believe that it has to necessarily determine your conviction about your choice to be a SAHM in the first place.
“Not only will making or keeping yourself employable bring you a sense of pride and security, but it will help you stay confident that you are staying home to mother because you CHOOSE to stay home and not because there’s nothing else you can do. It will remind you that you are married to your husband because you CHOOSE to be and not because you feel trapped or financially dependent on him. I believe it will strengthen your marriage and make you a happier mom.”
This felt a little off to me, almost like saying, “If you stay in great shape and looking hot, then you’ll know you could get another man if you wanted to, and you’ll appreciate your husband all the more because you’re choosing to be with him, knowing that you could leave him and attract someone new if you wanted to. Your marriage will be that much stronger.” That’s not a perfect comparison (and no, let’s hope none of us ever thought that a hot bod alone would get us a man!) but that’s the comparison that sprung to my mind. Should we stay in good physical shape because it feels good and helps us be happy? Sure! Does it make us feel more secure about the choice we made to marry our current husband if we’ve left open the option to marry another? No.
Many women really do have more than enough on their plate while being full-time moms that it would seem overwhelming to also be working on resume building experiences. That’s okay! Some women do have the time and energy to do more outside the home. Great! But both can feel equally confident that they have chosen their paths and aren’t stuck.
I like the way you broadened the idea of what can be used for “credentials.” Those are good ideas, and there is great value to feeling like you would be qualified to get a job if you needed/wanted to. I guess my point is just that you don’t need to have those credentials in order to feel like you’ve made the conscious choice to stay at home. I’d hate for moms who made that choice once to think, “Wow, my resume isn’t really up to date. I guess I am stuck, and now I’m not choosing this of my free will.”
Sorry if that rambles…I appreciate your thoughtful analysis on this topic and the chance it’s given me to reflect on the choices I’ve made. Thanks! Hope you’re open to discussion/debate that stems from the pondering you’ve initiated!

By: geekbert

geekbert — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 13:36:00 +0000

What an inspirational post! My wife recently went back to work after 9 years at home full time with our three daughters. She did what you said. She maintained her credentials with community and church roles.

I have to say too that her working full time now has really given us new dimensions of appreciation for each other. She jokes that sometimes it’s like we’re living in Bizarro World. My business is home based so she’s dubbed me, Larry the House Husband! Our marriage is stronger.

By: Steff

Steff — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 05:05:09 +0000

I too am a Mom since 2003. My greatest fear the entire time I was pregnant with him was that we would never be able to afford for me to stay home with him and I would have to let someone else take care of my baby. I was on maternity leave for 17 weeks and discovered we could survive on my husbands income since we wouldnt be paying for all the meals out and day care but it would mean losing our insurance. Then shock of all shocks I went back for my dr appt. the one scheduled for the great birth control adventure of getting an IUD…..and the DR says, we cant do this….your pregnant. My sons are 9 months and 24 days apart. Knowing I was pregnant with the second made the decision to quit my job a little easier and the first year was ok. By the middle of the second year (yanno, with 2 of them now) while packing our entire house by myself, because Chris got a better job on the road, my greatest fear had become that we would never be able to afford for me to go back to work.
Now that both of them will be in pre k in August, my fears are somewhere in between.
I have done half a dozen different kinds of home businesses, and recently taken up decorating our house and refinishing old tables etc that I find at yard sales and such. I will have the ability in August to start looking at finihsing my degree and not one clue in my head as to what I want it to be in. I dont have any desire anymore to finish criminal justice or education….which way do I go?

Thanks for such a thought provoking post. I needed this tonight.

By: RGLHM's husband

RGLHM's husband — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 17:33:53 +0000

I never come to this blog, and I rarely ever comment on blogs. But I am studying right now, so I need any excuse to get out of the books.

I remember when RGLHM and I got engaged, a couple of people asked me if she was going to finish her education degree. I found it amusing that they were asking me, not her. Anyhow, my standard answer became “I expect for her to be able to provide for herself and my children when I leave her.” People were shocked and dismayed by this comment. As they should be. What I was trying to convey (in a not so subtle way) was that we didn’t know the future, and that it is our responsibility to prepare for it the best we can.

Looking back on it, maybe I shouldn’t have encouraged her to finish her degree, as now she can drop me like a bag of rocks whenever she feels like (which I am sure is more often than she is willing to admit) and leave me. Maybe I should’ve told people that she was getting her degree in order to keep my on my good behavior.

By: RGLHM

RGLHM — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:10:05 +0000

“When Dan got home, I gave him my daily explanation for why the house looked like… our house…”

I think we were separated at birth.

By: RGLHM

RGLHM — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 14:59:33 +0000

Amen Amen and Amen. I am printing this one out FOR SURE!!! Again, how is it that you write exactly what I’m thinking of and far better than I ever could??

By: Katherine

Katherine — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 10:31:11 +0000

I’ve been a stay at home Mom for the past 8 years. It’s been a mixture of happy, sad, ups and downs–but totally worth it. Recently I filled out an application for a temp job and there was no gaping hole. I put down all my “community service” I had done over those years of not working for a profit. My church callings, school involvement, and even some applicable college research projets were added to “sell” my skills. The lady looked at my resume and was impressed and talked to me about jobs that interested me–no flipping burgers or wiping down tables! it’s all about perspective—SAHM work pretty dang hard for our families and the communities in which we serve, we just gotta give ourselves the credit.

By: An Ordinary Mom

An Ordinary Mom — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 05:19:12 +0000

Amen to that post. Just because we our stay-at-home-moms doesn’t mean our life and resume need to go into cold storage. There are so many valuable things we are doing right now. Moms are probably some of the best people to hire … who else can be creative and multi-task like no tomorrow?