Sometimes It’s Better Not to Lay Down the Smack
I came back from a late church meeting last night a couple of hours after Laylee and Magoo should have been sleeping in their beds. I closed the door behind me and turned around to see Laylee at the top of the stairs grinning down at me in the last pair of footy jammas she owns, the fuzzy pink ones I can’t bear to part with yet, the ones that are 2 sizes too small.
My first thought was consistency. We’ve been really inconsistent this summer with bedtimes, snacks gone wild, discipline, and pretty much every aspect of parenting and family life. This week we’ve been really focusing on getting back into routines and teaching our kids that because we love them, we give them limits and now we’re finally gonna get back to actually holding them accountable to those limits.
So my first instinct when I saw her up out of bed was to say, “What do you think you’re doing? Bed. Now.” But I just couldn’t do it. Looking at her sweet face beaming down at me, I thought, “She just wants to greet me. How does she want me to respond? How would I want my mom to respond? What will she remember about me when she’s grown and gone?”
I let my face break into a very sincere grin and exclaimed, “Oh LAYLEE! I’m so glad you’re still awake! I’m so happy I get to see you before I go to bed.” I rushed up the stairs and gathered her in my arms and could feel her face squishing joyfully against my shoulder.
“Why don’t you head back to bed sweet pea?”
“Mom,” she whispered in my ear, “I’m making a copy of my Jesus book for Ellie. I’m working so hard and writing and drawing and do you wanna see it?”
I looked at the black pen on her freshly bathed face and hands and considered for a second. Again, my instinct was consistency. “She should already be asleep and she’s up coloring in her room. We have to get up really early for church and she’s covered in pen and if I go look at her picture, I’m encouraging her to disobey her dad and stay up late when she should be sleeping.”
Again I looked at her face, so eager to please, so excited about her project, not at all calculating or manipulative (Trust me. I know what those faces look like too.) and I told her to run quick and get her picture to show me.
She’s just beginning to really enjoy writing letters and she has latched on to this little tiny book and wanted to copy it for her friend. I was overcome with cuteness and sent her off to sleep. A few minutes later I walked by her room and saw her hunched under the nightlight, carefully transcribing. I remembered late night games and books read with flashlights under the covers and I smiled and left her to her fun.
The products of last night’s adventure were a snuggly and happy preschooler today who was patient with me when I did tell her she couldn’t do certain things, and this little book that’s sure to be a family treasure. Looking at the outrageously happy faces on the pictures she drew last night, I realized that love is the most important thing I need to be consistent about with my kids.
Lisa P Says:
You are such a good mom!
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Posted on September 30th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Veronica Says:
They are brilliant drawings.
I think if you love your kids enough, then they can forgive you anything.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 2:25 am
NG Says:
Adorable… and so true.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 5:09 am
Millie Says:
Awwwwwww!!!
You’re right, you know - she’s so little still and there will be so many times she’ll have to go to bed on time and get up early and it’ll be for things more earth-shattering than church (like school and early morning Seminary). These “little kid” times will fade away soon for her… not that you want her staying up till 11:00 every night, but just enjoy her.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 5:43 am
em Says:
That has to be the sweetest project I’ve ever seen a kid undertake.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 5:53 am
JenDub Says:
That is the sweetest set of drawings I have ever seen. Congratulations on a great “mommy day”.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 6:05 am
Ree Says:
That! is the most precious thing I’ve ever seen in my life. What a sweetheart that girl is. And you, are a wonderful mom for remembering flashlights and books.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 6:24 am
MaryC Says:
What a sweet post! Laylee did such a good job with her book!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 6:36 am
Dixiechick Says:
I am speechless…what an amazing little girl you have. I agree with Ree..that is the most precious thing I have ever seen a child do…I am so glad that you left her to her nite light drawings, allowed her that contented moment in her little life…she will remember moments like those with great joy as she grows up…you totally rock as a mama!
Dixiechick
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 6:59 am
lainakay Says:
Soooo cute!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 7:00 am
Jessica Says:
I have had this same realization lately–yes we need to be consistent, but sometimes we need to be fun. And the fun and the hugs and the love are equally important, if not more important, than “following the rules”. Great post!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 7:32 am
Ginger Says:
That’s so sweet! Great artwork! If she’d publish, I’d buy!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 7:52 am
bananas Says:
That has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. What a special peanut!!!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:08 am
tracy m Says:
Oh, Kathryn! Thank you for sharing this tenderness with us. I need to be reminded of this, too.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:34 am
Not the Queen Says:
Adorable! Good parenting choices!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:41 am
Shalee Says:
This is the sweetest thing I’ve seen in a long time…
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:43 am
Melissa Says:
You’re better than I! I send the kids back to bed… you’ve given me something to think about today…
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:43 am
Stephanie Says:
She is sooooo good at the art! Cuteness. Oh. Cuteness.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:12 am
cchrissyy Says:
Way to go. There is no way I’d have been that flexible, and look what my way would miss! yikes.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:24 am
Katherine Says:
Those are the sweetest pictures!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:25 am
Jana Says:
That is a great story, and a great reminder to me to be more patient with my kids. I yell too much. You should be in the GRSP (General Relief Society Presidency). I’ll nominate you next time we get to vote…
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:29 am
KYouell Says:
This is why Google Reader has the “share” feature. So that DYM parenting goodness (and Laylee goodness) can easily be put on my blog too, sharing it with even more of the world.
(Well, my husband is probably the only person who ever ventures to my blog that isn’t already a regular reader of yours. But that’s still 1 more person!)
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:31 am
Happy Dad Says:
“Outrageously happy faces”: indeed. My heart could burst.
I don’t think it was mentioned, but Laylee made her version of the book using a post-it note pad (called “bonimals” in our household, for reasons only known to Laylee), so it’s like a book with pages that turn, and is the same size as the actual book (which is one of those teeny board books for babies).
I can barely stand to let her give the “book” to her friend, but I know she will, and we must let her–we can’t keep the book any more than we can keep her perpetually four years old. I’m so glad we have scanners.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:40 am
Pam in Utah Says:
Good Job, DYM and DYD. My eyes are watering my cheek-in a joyful way. Tell Laylee “good job” for me, please.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:45 am
Eve Says:
THAT GIRL IS BRILLIANT!!!!!!
That really is so incredible! Wow, she is SO READY FOR SCHOOL!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:49 am
grammyelin Says:
Oh, my goodness! She must have spent hours trying to exactly duplicate that book.
I love that she loves books and reading and art work and sharing with her friends. This was very precious!
And I’m proud of you both! Laylee for working so diligently to make her little friend happy and you for putting aside “the advice of experts” to do what will bring love and joy to your child. Consistency is wonderful, but you were so wise to make an exception this time.
Love you!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 10:21 am
Gift of Green Says:
Sometimes we just need to stay up late to finish that special project. She was on deadline!
Her book is absolutely incredible! Her girl in bed is my favorite.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 10:42 am
Carrie Says:
What a wonderful little girl you have
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 10:49 am
Radish Says:
What an absolute sweetheart.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 10:57 am
Carmen Says:
Thanks so much for sharing this. I also need to remember what it is like to be a kid and that they need our love more than anything.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 11:32 am
pbjinabowl Says:
Those were the sweetest pictures I think I’ve ever seen. How awesome that she wanted to give them to her friend.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 11:40 am
Jenny Says:
That is precious beyond words!! And a good lesson for me too. I loved this the most: “I realized that love is the most important thing I need to be consistent about with my kids.” You are so right. Thank you for this encouraging and sweet post!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Kimberly Says:
That was beautiful, Kathryn.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Marian Says:
“I realized that love is the most important thing I need to be consistent about with my kids. ” How sweet. How true. Thanks for sharing a great reminder.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Jenny Says:
Thank you. That blog is just what I needed today. You’re right, love is the consistency we need in parenting.
PS. My 5 year old does the exact same thing. very cute.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Farm Wife Says:
thanks for this much needed reminder. bless you, daring one.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Jen @ Blue Yonder Blogs Says:
I love it! So adorable!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Andrea Says:
Awww… you did the right thing.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Beth...in Idaho Says:
Your daughter is just precious. What beautiful gift for her friend!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Rhen (yestheyareallmine) Says:
That is so sweet and heartwarming. Thanks so much for sharing!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Jenn Says:
ugh you have just snapped me back into reality, and i am going to take your advice. i think sometimes we get too lost in the parenting side of being a parent and forget about the love side. we forget how we effect their feelings, and their thoughts on us. thank you. I needed this, and your an awesome mom!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Tonya Says:
Awww, that is the sweetest thing ever. I don’t blame you for being able to scold her. Like you said, sometimes it’s all about the love and I am positive that she felt love and valued at that moment. Routine Shmutine, there will be time for that later.
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Qtpies7 Says:
melt a momma’s heart sweet!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Monique Says:
What a sweet project!! I love how thoughtful children are, so beautiful!
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Posted on October 1st, 2007 at 10:14 pm
Sarah Says:
Oh, it’s beautiful. Weren’t you so glad you didn’t snap at her without knowing the story? Good job.
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 7:34 am
Aurelia Says:
I know what Church meeting you were @–the same one I was @!
Thanks for this post–it was exactly what I needed.
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 8:03 am
sarah k. Says:
Oh, MAN! You get like a hundred points for your reaction. And a hundred more for writing about it and reminding us how to think. And Laylee…the drawings are fantastical. Aren’t you glad you didn’t get mad, but found out what she was up to? I’m gonna try really hard to change my knee-jerk reactions to the “naughty” things my kids do.
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 9:56 am
Melissa Says:
This is just adorable! I love it!!
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 11:21 am
Jason of Kim & Jason Says:
Nice. Being a grown-up often means you have to be the bad guy with your kids. That’s important — there are some parents out there who only want to be their kids’ friends. But it’s also important to not get so caught up in the “rules” that you stop letting your kids be kids. I think you made a great choice, and provided a wonderful example of how parenting and Adultitis do not always have to go hand-in-hand.
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 2:10 pm
RGLHM Says:
Your reading my mind again. Next time consistent voice starts to kick in, I will give it a swift kick!
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 4:18 pm
surcie Says:
She is such a doll!
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Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 6:38 pm
sheen of Diaper Harlem Says:
Thanks for the reminder…it made me cry!
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Posted on October 3rd, 2007 at 7:40 am
EmLouisa Says:
So, So Sweet!!!
and Hello! I”ve missed you! (my fault, not yours. I”m crazy busy)
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Posted on October 3rd, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Emily R Says:
That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen some cute things.
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Posted on October 5th, 2007 at 7:29 am
Angela Says:
That is one of the swetest things I have seen. Children really are Heavenly Father’s way of reminding us that he is there and we all lived with him because they are so close to the spirit world.
We need those times to remind us what it is all about. Thanks for sharing your little sweetie’s sweetness with all of us!
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Posted on October 8th, 2007 at 1:49 am
CoconutKate Says:
I’m not much of a cry-er but this post made me cry. I can’t even remember all the times I’ve been harsh about bed-time and how sad I am with myself afterward. If I had come across a book like this that she had worked so hard on after my wrath, I would have been heartbroken. Heavenly Father does love little children and I think He blesses us with them so maybe we can learn perhaps more than we teach. Thank you for sharing this moment of eternity with strangers!
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Posted on October 11th, 2007 at 12:49 am