Tonight Laylee educated me in the ways of childish yuletide arbor dressing. Gah! I adore her.
1. Pull each ornament from the crumpled newspaper. Gasp and squeal because of the sheer beauty of it all.
2. Ornaments get lonely if they’re spread out all over the tree. Each ornament must be touching at least 3 others or “that’s just mean.”
3. You must group them according to color and style. Reds like reds. Candy canes like other candy canes. Shiny disco-like balls like other shiny disco-like balls.
4. Ornaments that like each other should touch… else the sadness.
5. Pretty little girls should be the ones to hang all the pretty little ornaments on the tree.
6. Little boys get nothing.
8. The prettiest ornaments should be well hidden within the centermost branches of the tree “so they can be private.”
9. Glass is better.
10. Magoo did it.
11. Place several of the best ornaments at floor level so that the “mice and bugs” have something festive to look at. Make your mother feel fabulous about her housekeeping abilities.