We Don’t Put Meat in Our Pockets

Last week I found myself having the following conversation with Magoo:

meat-in-his-pocketMe: NO. We don’t put meat in our pockets!
Magoo: Oh. Hmm. We don’t put meat at our pock-ets?
Me: NO. Meat only goes in our mouths or on our plates.
Magoo [still holding the lunch meat an inch from his jeans]: I can save it?
Me: Not in your pocket.
Magoo: Okay.

Sometimes we SMELL like we put meat in our pockets… or onions… or rubbed onions under our arms. Those are the days that we return our natural deodorant to Whole Foods for a refund because if we’re gonna spend $5 for a quality aluminum-free deodorant, we’re gonna be sure we don’t stink.

I handed the deodorant to the man at the service desk yesterday and told him I was returning it because it didn’t work. He asked me if it had been opened.

“Yes,” I said slowly, “I did open it. I even put it on. After a couple of days I started putting it on twice a day. No luck.”

He gave me a funny look.

“My friends and acquaintances would all appreciate it if you’d give me a refund so I could find something that works.”

I will never feel embarrassed returning an unwanted Pyrex dish to Target again.

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