Five Years Old and Headed for Lock Down

After our New Years’ Eve play date, Laylee came up and showed me the beautiful heart our friends’ young son, her kindergarten classmate, had drawn for her. Then she started rehearsing lines from I know not what.

Laylee: Mom. Look what Joseph made me.
Me: Wow. That’s really friendly.
Laylee (dreamily): I’ve been thinking about it all night and I think I’m in love with him.
Me: Hmmm. That’s nice.
Laylee: I’m pretty sure he’s the man I’m going to marry.
Me: Well, you’ve got a long time before you have to decide that.
Laylee: I’m pretty sure.

So I think the conversation is over but after we get home, she approaches me with that same dreamy spaced-out look and says, “Mom, I’ve decided. The next time I see Joseph, I’m going to kiss him on the lips.”

So here I start fumbling, picturing the fiasco if she really does attempt a predatory make-out session during recess or at church, “You know, kissing on the lips is kind of a thing for big people to do.”

Upon hearing this, Magoo piped up, “I will kiss you.” And walked over and gave me a big kiss on the lips. Great timing Bud. Way to help me prove my point.

So again we hear from Laylee, “I just can’t imagine falling in love with anyone else.”

Ah me. Young love. I have several journals filled with such nonsense so it shouldn’t freak me out too badly. However I’m pretty sure I didn’t start that young. I know I was at least old enough to write by myself before I considered stealing the lip virtue of any young gentleman friend.

Later that night when I was standing in the glare of a squad car spotlight trying to explain that I didn’t know fireworks were illegal in our town on New Year’s Eve, my head was filled with visions of a special lock-down for romantically-advanced little girls. It looked something like a super-sized life pod, with a lock on the outside and plenty of face time with mama. It looked something like our house, actually.

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21 Responses to Five Years Old and Headed for Lock Down

  1. KYouell says:

    My first big-time crush was when I was 3. I was in love with Davy Jones. Yeah, I mean the guy from The Monkees. They were my imaginary friends and I would “have them over” for tea parties all the time, especially after the show was on Saturday mornings. Reading your view of Laylee’s crush makes me wonder if my mom envisioned a special kind of hospitalization lock-down for me.

    I was going to say something about how I’m sure you dazzled the officers and just got a warning, but I am suddenly dazzled by your sidebar. When did the blogroll with their last entry show up? Very cool!

  2. jennifer says:

    we just had the kissing conversation with the 6 year old at our house. My teenagers were aghast when natalie announced she had kissed a boy on the bus. Good times HUH?

  3. Carrie says:

    This is why my husband is praying that baby #2 is a boy. 🙂

  4. nantiemeg says:

    I was in kindergarten when I told Johnny that he had to chose me or Lindsay to marry. And I turned out normal. He on the other hand…

  5. Keyona says:

    Yeah I know about that, I recently found out mine is “in love” with an older boy. She’s five and said he was six. come to find out he’s 12 in the 5th grade. Yeah. Not happy. Thankfully he moved away but that doesn’t stop her from talking about him every. single. day.

  6. kat says:

    Just wait until your 4 year old boy tells you he’s marrying the new girl in his preschool class “because she lets me touch her private parts”….I…nearly…died…luckily the little hussy left the school…
    I got him a book about bodies, and private parts, and we had lots of talks about privacy, and the preschool did a unit about it too, and now, he’s got his questions answered, and his curiosity satisfied without having to ask one of the little girls to volunteer.
    Apparently it is perfectly NORMAL at this age, but why is it that it seems only MY child is “Normal”?
    I just hope we get through to kindergarten without him getting anyone pregnant…

    • Mel says:

      Please help me. I have a 4 year old boy that has been around some older, more curious girls as well. Now he’s been caught in daycare with another girl and some of his boy friends with his (and sometimes their) paints down. I’m waiting to get knocked out by one of their moms pretty soon. What book did you you use? I am going to ask the school to do a unit on it as well…ANY info you have for me would be a huge help! Thanks!

  7. Stephanie says:

    I started that young. And I turned out all right. It’s funny though.

  8. FawnDear says:

    My six year old has now had three different boyfriends that she swears she’s going to marry. Sometimes two and once.

    I’m hoping she’s blessed with Acne as a teenager. Of course, I hope it clears up when she turns 20.

  9. Wendy says:

    all these “oh, I started at that age” comments! what ever happened to cooties, people??! BOYS HAVE COOTIES and the sooner our little girls figure that out, the better! We as parents need to remind them!

  10. Goslyn says:

    When I was about Laylee’s age, my first crush was on our family dentist, Dr. Goodman. I was “pretty sure” he was the man I was going to marry too.

    Alas, it didn’t work out.

    Great post.

  11. fidget says:

    OOOO, soon she’ll be telling you that you dont KNOW what it’s like to be in love

  12. My kindergarten boyfriend beat up the boy who tried to kiss me at recess and we walked back to class arm in arm. (The part about this story that is supposed to bring you relief is that he was probably my last boyfriend until I was around 27 years old.)

  13. Katie says:

    that is too funny! I’ve been having the same conversations with my Kindergartner —do NOT let the boys kiss you at school. I’m not prepared for this yet!

  14. Keri-Ann says:

    I LOVE it!

    So, is it okay if Joseph invites her to his birthday party? I’ll make sure no more heart pictures turn up (and you can come chaperone if you like!) 🙂

  15. KYouell says:

    After reading Wendy’s comment I would like to add that while my first crush was at 3 years old my second crush wasn’t until 3rd grade. And I wasn’t dating “for reals” until 9th grade. Before then co-ed groups would go to movies or roller skating, and certainly there was crushing going on, but nothing that should have been scary to our parents. Even the 9th grade dating was in groups. I just didn’t want to leave the impression that I was a kindergarten hussy. 😉

    And I love the cootie idea. It never occurred to me that I should be spreading that rumor as part of my mama duties!

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