I Never Eat Boogers

I don’t even like them.

Okay. So I’ve never even tried, not even as a child, not one booger Sam I Am but I just know. I would not eat one in a box or wearing sox or while writing with chalks. There was never a time in my whole wide life that I wasn’t repulsed by the sight of some young buck slurping his own secretions. From my earliest memories I’ve known that doing so was sick and wrong.

And so today I sat in discussion with one of my children, locked in eye contact when the individual-in-question pulled a nugget from its cavern and shlumped it into their mouth without batting an eyelash.

Gah!

“You are a Thompson!” I wanted to shout, “Thompsons are anti-boog-ites. Thompsons know right from wrong. Thompsons will now all go and rinse their mouths out with disinfectant, gargle, rinse with bleach and repeat.”

I did make the individual-in-question rinse and gargle before we could continue talking. I did extol the virtues of a booger-snack-free lifestyle. What more can I do? I can’t rinse and gargle mental images away. That one will always be burned in my memory.

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10 Responses to I Never Eat Boogers

  1. papaclint says:

    Oh, Yuck. Yuck. Yuck and beyond Yuck. Feeling the way I do, may have influenced you in some way – since I can feel these same sentiments being blasted over cyberspace.

  2. Awesome Mom says:

    It is a primal instinct, there is no fighting it until they get older. I have been working on my middle child for months about him not treating his nose as a place for a quick snack. I went to the zoo awhile back and saw the gorilla pick his nose and eat the contents, so I think that it is one of the baser instincts that is hidden deep in our genetic code and comes out now and then much to our dismay.

  3. Leah says:

    Uggghh.

    I just gagged a little.

  4. Heffalump says:

    Thank you for sharing the burned mental image with us. Now I am imagining all kids of different people eating their boogers and experiencing even more trauma.
    Gag!

  5. Oh my god, that is just wrong. SO WRONG.

    -meream

  6. Nantiemeg says:

    Ewww. I just threw up a little bit.

  7. I had to have the booger discussion with my daughter a while back. Do you know what ended the consumption? Telling her that “boogers are germ catchers.” I explained that the gooeyness is in your nose to catch germs to keep you from getting sick, but if you are eating the germ catchers, than you are not letting them do their job the way that they are supposed to.

    She has not consumed another booger since. I’m not to say that she hasn’t gone in to free one from its home, but she will tell me, “I just needed to go get it. Don’t worry mom. I’m not going to eat it. I’m just going to throw it away.”

    The discussions we have sometimes.

  8. Margaret says:

    My sister had a similar discussion with her young son, and informed him that if he has a booger that really just needs to be removed, then he can go get a tissue and remove it with that, like Mommy does.

    His response?

    “Doesn’t the tissue make it taste funny?”

    GAAAAHHHH!!

  9. Kate says:

    I just wanted to say that I’m nine weeks pregnant with twins, and I have somehow been blessedly nausea-free so far (I have no idea. I’m not questioning it. Just going with the flow.).

    Until now. I just had my first wave of serious nausea, induced by your most excellent descriptions of the grossitude of booger-eating. Pardon me while I go ralph up my morning smoothie… it had to happen some time, I guess! Aren’t you glad to have been a part of this momentous occasion? ;)

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