How Dare They?

I have a special relationship with snow. I grew up in Canada with more snow than most sane people can handle. And I loved it. I love the smell of snow, the look of snow, snow games and snow treats. I love building things with snow and getting frozen solid, because when you’re frozen solid, you need cocoa to thaw you out.

My current morning alarm tone is the song “Let it Snow!” and every single morning when I hear it, my heart skips a beat excitedly, and then I feel let down and musically lied to. Of course it’s not snowing. It almost never snows here.

I know I’m not unique. Nearly everyone dreams of a White Christmas. I’m certainly not the only one in my family who loves snow. My kids love it so much that they become enraged whenever it doesn’t snow. That’s a lot of days of rage, living in the rain capital of the US.

As much as Magoo loves snow, he hates those who would seek to destroy it.

“You know who are the worst people ever?”

People who don’t let your newly potty trained 3-year-old cut in line at a public restroom? I think. Voldemort?

“It’s those guys who come through with those awful SNOW DOZERS and steal all the snow. I can’t stand those guys.”

“You mean, the city workers who drive the plows to clear the roads so people can drive after a storm?”

“Yeah. Those guys are the worst.” He shakes his head with disgust.

They are pretty nasty. It’s as though they don’t even like fun. Or joy. Or the laughter of children. I bet if you looked deep into their eyes, you’d find nothing but a cheerless void. And then you’d turn to stone. Never to drink hot cocoa again.

I would like to add them to our list of local villains. This list already includes:

1. Firefighters, the guys who steal all the fire from our houses. These clowns are so bad, they even go out of their way to prevent fires from happening in the first place.

2. Waste “management.”

3. The city maintenance workers who slash and destroy all the delicious blackberry vines that grow across the sidewalks.

4. Chiropractors. Don’t even get me started on chiropractors.

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