Mistakes Were Made

Sometimes passive voice is needed. Sometimes mistakes are made. Jars of applesauce might even be smashed on the garage floor.

We had a gaggle of delightful family members in town this past weekend for Magoo’s baptism. Yay! He decided to do it. Fun was had by all. Baptisms were performed. Memories were created.

baptism

With any big family event, there’s a certain level of stress. Never mind that our parents worked like fairy slaves, fixing fences, hauling junk out of our back yard, cooking food, and replacing shower heads, all while giving frequent gifts to the children and babysitting them so I could get my hair done and go grocery shopping.

The stress builds slowly, almost imperceptibly, until your husband asks you if you’re feeling anxious and you stretch a crazy sort of smile and say, “No. Not anxious. Just alert. I don’t want anything to go wrong.” Then you shove your fingers in your mouth and bite down hard with exaggeratedly wide eyes.

When the baptism was over, the neighborhood lunch was finished, everyone special was made to feel special, we were settling into a nice groove of lying around on the living room floor playing games on our individual electronic devices.

And then I went into the garage to get some pasta. I pulled down the plastic bin, and stuck to the bottom of it was a sticky mouse trap and stuck to the bottom of the mouse trap were two bottles of home-canned applesauce, and stuck to the bottom of the bottles of applesauce was my sanity, because as one crashed to the ground and the other dangled precariously, I lost it. It. Was. Lost.

“Dan. Dan! Hey DAN!” I called. “I need you. I really need you right now.”

He was cleaning the kitchen or rescuing an old lady from drowning or something, but he stopped and came out to the garage, where I stood frozen in place.

“Applesauce is smashed on the ground,” I said, staring at it blankly.

His look said, “So?”

Someone called from inside, “Is everything okay out there?”

“Yeah. Kathryn just smashed some applesauce on the ground.”

“I did not smash it. It was smashed. The mousetrap did it. I did not smash this apple sauce.”

“Ok.”

Awkward silence as we both looked at the broken glass and liquid fruit splatters.

Dan – “Do you need something?”

Me – “I didn’t smash the applesauce. It became smashed. Mistakes were made. I do not claim responsibility.”

Dan – “Ok.”

Me – “And can I have some paper towels?”

Dan – “There’s a roll right behind you.”

Someone else from inside – “Do you need anything out there?”

Dan – “It’s okay. Kathryn just smashed some… Applesauce was smashed. It was no one’s fault.”

Me – You know that’s right.

I didn’t need him to fix it. I just needed him to stand and stare at the sauce with me, to recognize my non-responsibility, to stand and look at me in a way that said, “I know you put a ton of planning into this weekend and acknowledge that the smashing of the applesauce by reason of a maliciously placed sticky mouse trap in no way reflects your abilities as a host, a wife, or a human being. Mistakes were made. You are a keeper. Now, why don’t you take two minutes to wipe it up, while I go back inside and finish saving that old lady from drowning or whatever I was doing?

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9 Responses to Mistakes Were Made

  1. Awesomemom says:

    Congrats to Magoo! Even when I tried to keep it crazy simple planning my eldest son’s baptism was still crazy making. I get to do it again this fall for Middle Son… yay!

  2. Sage advice … especially as summer break is starting.

  3. Jessica says:

    I think it is absolutely hilarious that this qualifies as losing it. I haven’t lost it until I start swearing like the sailor my mother probably should have been, since I learned my blue vocabulary from her. But hey, everyone has their own definition.

    • Oh, many and diverse are the ways which I can lose it. This was just the version where I become frozen and helpless over something insignificant. Let’s just say it’s one of the milder forms. :-) I’ve written about others on this very blog.

  4. Tay says:

    .I must say, this struck home with me today and I very nearly cried. It’s been a long two weeks of hosting family and having birthday parties and blessings parties and constantly cleaning my house only to look around and see it a complete disaster. So when I said something perceived as rude to my husband I just couldn’t handle the mistake that wasn’t my fault. thank you, again, for touching my heart where it was feeling lonely.

  5. Pam in Utah says:

    Oh Man, I was there and totally missed the crashing and the loosing it and the recovering! So sorry! Or, Maybe I was the old lady he was saving from drowning! Sure was fun to see you all!

  6. Becky says:

    Awesome. Just awesome. We have all been there. Multiple times.

  7. Rachel says:

    I absolutely love your humor! Thank you for this hilarious post. It was so perfectly written, that I could imagine everything happening as if I were there. Mistakes were made, but YOU did NOT smash any applesauce. I got your back :D

  8. Oh, how I loved this post. I actually meant to comment on it when I first read it, but didn’t because I was on my iPod. I’m doing it now, though, because it’s such a wonderful story. Sweet and funny and a little sad. And very, very true to life. It actually made me tear up a bit. I hope your visit went well, and that the stress has dissipated.

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