I have so much to tell you but honestly I’d rather just ask you for a band-aid. My feet are SHREDDED from all the cute shoes I’ve been wearing around the city. It seems that everything less than 5 miles away in New York is considered “close” and people just hoof it all over the city to save on cab fare. This would have been fine if I’d stuck with the white tennis shoes but I swapped them out for heels, heels, heels and I’m paying the price for my fabulousness. Mir hooked me up with several band-aids this morning but they’re failing miserably at this point. I’m not sure what kind of adhesive they use in Georgia but it doesn’t adhese as well as I’d like.

Still, I’d rather wear a non-sticky band-aid from Mir than a proper Northern band-aid any day. She is that rad. The first time I met her 2 years ago, I was providing her with a band-aid to help with what I believe was an unfortunate shaving incident.

Speaking of shaving, when I asked the lady at the deli next to our hotel if she had a razor for sale, she said, “Like for shaving?” and pantomimed running a razor across her chin and cheek. “Yes,” I replied. “Perhaps I didn’t pluck well enough,” I mused.

My blisteringly fabulous shoes were a topic of discussion at the closing keynote session today. Earlier in the day Elisa Camhort Page (who needs to stop adding names) commented on their cuteness and like any savvy shopping woman I smiled proudly and told her, “SIX BUCKS!” These little babies were on clearance at Fred Meyer and I liked them so much that I picked up an extra pair in a random size to give away to the first lucky size 10 Cinderella I came across.

So during Elisa’s closing session interview of The Budget Fashionista, she shared my story and I got to stand up and show off my bargain to a room full of bloggers and business people. Sweet. You’ve got to love a women’s conference. And I did. I loved the conference.

I was speaking on a panel with Method and A Squared Group about their Detox Seattle program, coming soon to a city near you, and I didn’t know quite what to expect from a blogging business conference. I blog but I’m not a business, although I do work with them from time to time in my blogging endeavors.

The conference was much more intimate than BlogHer’s main event and I felt like I really got to spend time building relationships that I had started with waves in passing at other conferences. The pace was good and there was a ton of information to absorb about good blogging practices, building buzz, working with marketing firms and businesses and what kind of wipes to use for your potty-training toddler.

My panel went really well, a case study on using social media as part of a successful marketing campaign. (Click here for the live blog. I’m case study #4) Method really did everything right in Seattle, a personal, sincere, respectful pitch, a great product, something valuable in exchange for my time, and excellent relationship building and follow up. Besides all that, every person we’ve met from Method and their marketing firm have been amazing people, people you want to hang out with, people you want to stay up all night giggling with and braiding each other’s hair while dancing to Milli Vanilli cassette tapes. (If they ever ask you to engage in those activities, accept their offer without delay.)

I had fun up there because I had a positive topic to speak on, my fellow panelists were rad, and the attendees were intelligent, positive, encouraging and engaging. (If they ever ask you to speak at BlogHer Business, accept their offer without delay.)

I got a brief chance to experience the city, crazy cab drivers, touring Times Square with Gabby’s too nice relatives, visiting the Empire State building with my cousin who lives in New York and didn’t act at all annoyed to be briefly tour around with me. She even humored me by taking one of those little bike trailers back to my hotel when we had a tough time hailing a cab. For 10 dollars, a very friendly and superhumanly strong man shuttled us for 10 blocks, being careful to swerve too close to moving vehicles and laugh at our reactions. I suppose near-death is part of the fun of the experience and he expects a bigger tip for taking you to the edge of safety without dropping you off the cliff.

In an attempt to increase the frequency with which I invite strange foreigners to my hotel room, I had a nice chat with Sarah, whom I see becoming a great friend and collaborator. She is really someone worth knowing and not just because of the accent or the fact that I’m hoping she’ll show me around next time I’m in London.

The main message I’d leave with marketers is that bloggers write about experiences. If you can give them a great experience with your product or service, chances are they will write about it because it’s part of their life and they want to talk about their life. By in large they do not want to talk about your potato chips or premium shoe laces. They want to talk about their life. If you can find a creative way to make your brand a part of their life in a mutually beneficial way with an experience attached, chances of getting your message out are greater. If a blog is a representation of me, then I’m not going to write about something unless it reflects who I am and what I want to be associated with. So choose carefully who you market to and find a way to partner with them, rather than expecting complimentary advertising.

Now I have one last thing. As I was walking through the airport this afternoon, I caught my reflection in a mirror and noticed that the back of my skirt was caught in my laptop bag and my back-ish half was hanging all kinds of out. I don’t know how long I’d been like that, but I’d been walking around for at least 10 minutes with my bags before I noticed it. For the love of human dignity, if you see someone walking around like that, let them know, I BESEECH YOU!

New York cab drivers should all have GPS units installed in their cars, not so much to show them where they’re going but to show the passenger where they’re going and how many circles they’re driving to get there. I also think all fares should come with a can of whiplash repellent or at the very least a disposable neck brace or collar.

And how much should you tip a cab driver? Do they get the same as a hair dresser or bank teller? And who all should get a tip? It’s been a long time since I’ve traveled anywhere tip-worthy and I’m a bit confused. You tip the guy who takes your bags and the one who hails you a cab at the front door of the hotel. You tip the crazy guy who plays the trumpet poorly on the street corner with his eyes closed so you’re left wondering if he’s blind or if he just thinks you’ll put more money in his hat if he’s not looking directly at you.

I think you tip the door-holder guy but do you tip the guy in the uniform standing next to the revolving door and smiling at you as you walk in? Do you tip his mom? I’m not sure about all of this. I think I’ll just stuff my bra full of ones and shimmy everywhere I go, letting the bills fall where they may.

Back in the day, I traveled a lot for business. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in big cities across the US but I’ve never been anywhere like New York. People seem to laugh louder here and walk harder, beating the pavement into submission with their feet. I try to walk like them but I’m not sure if I’m doing it right or just look like Laylee on the verge of a fit.

Traffic lights mean nothing to pedestrians here. To cab drivers they’re simply a justification for running people over.

I’m torn between my desire to take pictures of every brick and speck of dirt and the wish to appear like a hip city dweller despite my white sneakers and wide-eyedness. I’m beginning to think the secret to this is weaving boldly through the speeding cars with no apparent concern for health or safety. I think it will take more than 2 days in the city to cultivate this type of peer-pressure-induced kamikazality.

And the honking. There is a lot. And sirens. And crazy people. And hot dogs.

The cars outside my window sound like a river and I’m smiling because my cab driver was honked at multiple times by other cab drivers and I think this means we won.

With Kathryn at BlogHer, I’ve taken the helm around here. Let me tell you, it’s been surprisingly difficult.

No, not taking care of the kids. I mean, it’s really hard work, but I’ve been solo with them before, so it wasn’t a surprise how much work Kathryn does on a daily basis to keep our ship sailing. Since I’m the one hanging out all day with the kiddos, I figured I’d try my hand at the blog-about-how-cute-the-kids-are thing, and that’s what I found surprisingly tough.

How does she remember all the cute things the kids say? They are spouting cuteness at all times except when I have something to write with. There was at least one really, really great Laylee-ism, where she took some colloquialism and turned it funny somehow, and I cannot remember what it was. I’m so glad that Kathryn captures a few precious drops of toddleric wit and wisdom here on the blog. We’ll always have some little-kid fun-ness preserved here, long after they’ve broken the four foot barrier.

And then, when does she find the time to turn their antics into blog posts? Well, it’s true; I know where she gets some of the time … but still–it’s a big investment.

All of this on top of being the World’s Greatest Mom. (As the World’s Greatest Dad, I am authorized to write that about her with Proper Noun Casing.)

Thanks for all you do, baby.

Well, it’s the day before she comes home (well, it’s after midnight, so it’s technically the last day of the trip), and this is what I’ve got: one picture and one story.

Laylee dipping her cantaloupe in ketchup:

A few nights ago at teeth brushing time, Magoo wanted to rinse and spit just like Laylee. We don’t use toothpaste with him yet, so he doesn’t really need to, but it would be a good skill for him to acquire, so I hand him a cup of water to try it. He takes a swig, swishes it around, tips his head over the sink, and … *gulp* swallows. The lack of water to spit disturbs him. He repeats this two or three times, getting more frustrated with each failed spit attempt. I hope he didn’t notice me chuckling. Before I took the cup away, he did manage to get one good spit in. Good times.

I can hardly wait to snuggle on the couch with my schmoop while she regales me with stories of her adventures. Come home soon, baby!

You should really be paying attention.
Seriously. Liz, Tish or Laina are probably saying something fascinating.

Maybe you’re saying something fascinating.

Maybe you should be.

Can I tell you how much I love getting email with the subject line “Re: Intolerance Intervention”? Very much do I love it and I’ve been getting a lot of it lately.

I’m really excited to be speaking on a panel at BlogHer next week and I’d like your help preparing. The topic is Intolerance and here’s the official synopsis:

Does the Blogosphere Need an Intolerance Intervention?
What are the benefits and drawbacks of speaking across divides, and trying to be a “bridge”? What do we gain and lose when we assume we’re blogging to people a lot like ourselves? Let’s talk about insularity, authenticity, intolerance, and diplomacy. At times, bloggers can be like indie bands, risking having their original fans stop liking them the minute they start being appreciated by a more diverse audience, outside the original “club”. There’s bloggers who cross all sorts of potential barriers…and bloggers who like it in their own neck of the woods just fine, thank you very much, go away if you disagree. Do Birds of a Feather groups encourage intolerance? Or are diplomats “sellouts”? Decide where you stand. Liz Henry moderates this discussion around a topic a lot of us observe, but few of us say anything about. Bloggers like Laina Dawes, Tish Grier and Kathryn Thompson have a few stories to tell!

I was included in this session largely because of formative experiences I had a few months after I started my blog. They really shaped the way I feel about tolerance and ethics online and helped me take what I was doing much more seriously. I came to think about blogging as a community-building experience and not simply an outlet to dump my thoughts into each day.

When I was fairly new to blogging, some good online friends nominated me for a small award. The stated purpose of the awards was to recognize blogs that brought beauty into the blogosphere and the woman running the contest was Christian. She wrote an obviously religious blog and it was understood that the awards were meant to recognize Christian bloggers.

I found out about the awards after I became a finalist and was so excited not only to be nominated for humor but by a group of women who had included me in their religious community even though I don’t often blog openly about my faith. As a Mormon, I was pleased to feel accepted by a circle of mainstream Christians, a group that doesn’t often recognize my religion’s central belief in Jesus Christ as Christianity.

The day after I won the award however, a prominent blogger in the community publicly outed me as a Mormon (something I thought everyone knew if they’d ever read my blog), and wrote a scathing post about my participation in the contest and the lack of discernment shown by my readers.

Needless conflict and drama ensued, during which I formed some of my strongest blogging relationships to date, several with women who had much more in common theologically with my critic than they did with me, several who have no religious leanings but simply rock solid morals and character, and some who were just so flippin’ hilarious that they helped me get through the pettiness of it all.

Without sharing my specific thoughts on the subject of online intolerance (I’ll blog more about that after the conference.), I’d love to hear what you have to say. What questions would you ask me as part of that panel? What thoughts would you share if you were on it?

Erin and I have booked our flights and rooms for BlogHer. Some other fun people will likely be joining us. I’m already taking notes on what I want to learn and picking out shoes. Are you going? Would you like to go? The women at Mommybloggers are generously paying for someone’s conference pass and entry is easy this year. The deadline is Friday May 18th so go check it out if you’d like to share a Diet Sprite poolside with me this July in Chicago.

Some kind and obviously blind people have nominated me for a couple of Blogger’s Choice Awards. I’m only about 3 billion votes behind the other nominees so if you’d like to help soften my defeat, vote away. If I get at least 3 total votes, I will likely write a quality blog post sometime this month in your honor.

In a stunning comeback, leaping two categories from Tragic Excuses straight up to the Hall of Fame, Rachelle has now been added to the Tattoo Parlor as part of her official coming out party…  

She took a bunch of drugs. 

She tested positive. 

Feel free to head on over and congratulate her.

I “borrowed” a handful of washable tattoos from the mommybloggers at BlogHer this summer and mailed them out to about 30 of you.  These 30 swore by blood oath to send me pictures of themselves wearing said tatts.  Here are the results.

The Hall of Fame
(Aiyaiyai! Check out these hot mamas!)

Abby, in what appears to be a magazine cover photo, of Ode to an Upside Down Cake

Alissa, with the slender ankles of a woman in her 20′s, of Our Experiment in Parenthood

Amy, in how cute are those shoes!, of Pretty Shiny

The Butterfly Girl, with her lovely butterfly tattoo, of Butterfly Girl

Chilihead and her glasses at a PTA meeting of Don’t Try This at Home

Emlouisa’s tough enough Little Man, who happens to be Magoo’s long lost twin, of Emlouisa.com

Fawlyn, hiding out in one of many fun poses, of Quaking Aspen

Heidi, who shares the story of her other tattoo on her super-cute site, Me, Molly & the Moon

Heth, in a rare photo taken while she was out of the laundry pile, of From Under the Laundry Pile

HLH, the mom with the fabulous legs who somehow finds time to make clothes for my daughter, of The Voice

Jeana, the photogenical rebel and an internet kindred spirit, of Laughter for Days to Come

Appleseed, my Puget Sound homey, of Appleseed

Rarely Home Mom, with her fist of power, of Rarely Home Mom

Kristina of And Baby Makes Four let her daughter Siena take one for the team and wear the family tattoo.

Mary (Does she really need an introduction? I hear she gets over 1000 comments on her posts.) of Owl Haven

Nicole of Confessions of Eli’s Mom lets her son show off his muscles in this gorgeous photo.

Rachelle’s son Camden bears his zerbable belly in this adorable picture. I publicly apologize if my internet harassment forced her into revealing her pregnancy before she was ready. But still, YAY! Her blog can be found at Teacher, Mom, Mad Woman

Shalee, lounging gracefully in what I’m sure is a super-typical pose, of Shalee’s Diner

The Hall of Tragic Excuses
(Bloggers who had moderate to excellent excuses as to why they didn’t get pictures to me.)

Beth, Heather, Melessa, Shannon

The Hall of I-Know-Your-Street-Address-And-I-Will-Find-You!
(Women who have not yet produced a photo and who would like you to take your pitchforks and torches over to their blog and gently chide them for their oversight.  If you are one of these women, you can be redeemed by sending me a picture stat.  An average of 20 people per hour will view this page over the next several days.  You’d better hurry. )

Artemis Rich (I hear it’s coming today.), DDM (She says pictures are forthcoming), Margaret (She talks big, but I have yet to see the goods.)

Why did I go to BlogHer? 

Here’s part of the essay I wrote to the mommybloggers, applying for their scholarship, without which I would not have been able to attend:

I am a woman by birth, a mother by choice and a blogger by need and sometimes sheer insanity.  Blogging has suddenly made me a writer when 8 months ago I was content to think of myself as a mom who puttered with the idea of maybe writing something someday when the kids were all in school.  It gives me power and it gives me a reason to reach daily into my Dr Seuss-ridden brain and try to reconcile my life experiences with the world around me.

I decided not to go to BlogHer the same way I had decided not to be a writer.  I wasn’t ready.  I wasn’t one of the big kids.  I was too new, a wise-cracking mommy blogger with a few readers.  Next year I’d go, when we had more money, when my blog had really “taken off” – whatever that means.

The more I learn about the conference, the more I regret that decision.  I didn’t wait to start a blog until I had something sublime and life-shattering to share.  I shouldn’t be waiting to go to BlogHer until I’ve “arrived.”Â  In some ways I hope I never do.  Then I won’t have anything left to write about.  Blogging has created this boiling need for discovery, this urge to uncover, to draw parallels, to open myself up to new truth (and sometimes public ridicule), to connect with people I never would have met otherwise.

Now I think it’s time that we should meet in person.  BlogHer is about strong women sharing their thoughts with the world and, through their writing, hoping to change it or at least declare their existence in it.  It’s an organization that encourages personal expression and freedom of choice. I want to go to BlogHer to show that “mommy bloggers” are witty intelligent women with as much validity to their existence on the internet and in the “real world” as any woman who has taken a different path in her life.  I want my worlds to collide.  I want a fresh outlook and new skills to fuel this passion.

Not many of my regular readers attended BlogHer this year.  I was advised not to annoy them by blogging too much about the conference when I got home.  Who really wants to hear ad nauseum about the party they weren’t able to attend?

I wanted to talk about the technical things I learned that could be useful to my fellow-bloggers but didn’t want to “waste time” on this site where many of the readers do not blog and do not care about how the cogs work.

So instead, I wrote a list of a few things I learned at the conference over at mommybloggers.  I was planning to let it go at that.  Since then, I’ve been reading more and more commentary on the conference, how people felt, what they got out of it, their feelings of disappointment or excitement.

Many people seem to have left the conference more confused about their place in the blogging world.  Some favorites are closing up shop.  Some are having trouble deciding whether and what to blog. 

The conference organizers have received all kinds of flack for what did or did not happen, whether it was the dream love-fest of the century or (gasp!) a conference about blogging.

I think offering suggestions for improvement next year is valid.  Lisa did a fabulous conference breakdown, talking about the way things could go differently in Chicago.  I think expressing heartfelt emotions is also important.  I loved Jessica’s honest posts about her experiences. 

I can honestly say that my expectations were met and exceeded.  Dan and I decided to pay for my plane fare and chip in $1.00 for my hotel room because we saw the conference as a great opportunity.  It was an opportunity for networking.  It was an opportunity to learn more about my craft and to improve my skills and sensitivities about blogging.

The social aspect was purely secondary and that was more fun than I had hoped for as well.  Nearly everyone I met was kind and intelligent, although many were much more shy than I would have imagined pre-conference.  I think that shyness was sometimes misinterpreted as snobbery.  Let me just say that being a good writer and having thousands of daily readers does not necessarily a social butterfly make.  We’re all sitting in our computer-filled nerderies typing our thoughts out onto the internet.  Two plus two, people.

My hope for people planning to attend next year is that you will think of the conference less as the social event of the year (although a great social event it was if you went in with the right expectations.  Maybe I had an easier time of it than some because I didn’t go expecting anyone to know who I was.) and more as a…I don’t know…conference. 

Meriam-Webster online:
Conference:  noun:  1 a : a meeting of two or more persons for discussing matters of common concern b : a usually formal interchange of views.

It’s not a blogging sleepover party.  Although Chris did end up with my curling iron and some earrings that she suspiciously has not mailed back yet.  You’d think she was busy or something.

It’s not a blogging convention, a place where people would go to have their ears surgically altered to look like Heather, dress up exactly like Alice in her banner photo, or stand in line for 10 hours to get Eden’s autograph on their iBook. 

With the rapid growth of the blogosphere, particularly the increasing number of women bloggers, there are a lot more pressing issues we need to be concerned about.  Many of these were explored at the conference but have been forgotten in the post-conference feelings.

When will we stop being referred to as “Women Bloggers” and just be “Bloggers”?
How can we be better at what we do?
When will we learn to start promoting each other, rather than competing, that together we will only be stronger?
What skills and technologies do we need to stay current in the coming years as the internet rug is consistently pulled out from under us?  Will blogs even exist in their current form 5 years from now?
Is blogging a means to an end or is it the end itself?  Are the terms “blogger” and “writer” mutually exclusive?
What are blogging ethics and integrity?  How do you define “safe space” in the blogosphere?
Seriously, where are my earrings?

Well, I try to cover it up most of the time.

We are really working on our religious punctuality right now. We have been really working on it for… going on 4 years. We improve a little and then we improve not so much at all. Then we slide back to “pathetic” on the scale of on-time-itude.

This morning I’m getting dressed for church, pretty much at the last possible second before we have to leave, and Dan looks at me incredulously and asks, “Are you dressing for church or are you getting ready for BlogHer?”

Well of course I was getting ready for BlogHer but I was getting ready for church at the same time, you know? The multitasking. The poor man thought I was trying on all of my carefully layed out conference clothing items for the fun of it right before we had to leave. This is not unfathomable but today I was not guilty of such a crime against punctuality and reason.

Today I wore the black dress I bought for BlogHer to church to test it out for any possible “wardrobe malfunctions.” I am a recently weaned nurser and… well… these things need to be tested when little black dresses enter the picture.

I know what you’re thinking — you test dresses for wardrobe malfunctions by wearing them to church? Yeah. It sounds strange to me too, now that I see it on the computer screen. Never fear. Everything stayed where it was supposed to stay, even with the mega-weaner doing his best to free the entrapped victuals from their black shackles.