I am Not Responsible for Josh Groban

Dan has a hard time distinguishing between Josh Groban and Michael Bublé. I can understand the difficulty. They are both male and they both sing songs and both of their careers were created by the United States of Oprah, respectively. The difference as I see it is that Josh Groban is Oprah’s version of Andrea Bocelli and Michael Bublé is Oprah’s version of Harry Connick Junior. He still gets them confused so I say Groban — Vibrato, Bublé — bubbly brass section.

I’m pretty over Josh Groban at this point and it’s not because most of his songs sound identical or even the vibrato, because although he has a lot of vibrato, it is not constant and therefore can be tolerated. I’m not sure what it is but I’m just over him. Except for one song.

Remember When It Rained.

I love this song. I have no idea what it’s about. I think it may have religious connotations and I know one of you will google-wiki it for me and tell me what it means but I’d rather not know. In my mind, I prefer to think that it’s about making out in the rain, one of those completely unrealistic kisses where you just run to someone through the pouring rain, probably in the dark, likely wearing a dark-colored prom dress, and the first thing to connect is your lips and you’re maybe crying but you can’t tell because the rain is pouring down on your faces… or something like that. It’s not like I envision this scene every time I hear the song and sing along at the top of my lungs while planning the rain kissing chapter of my next book or anything.

So today I was driving along when that particular song came on my Zune completely by happenstance and for some odd reason my mind was drawn to that particular line of thought (the rain kissing thing), which caught me completely off-guard and I was forced to sing along with such fervor that I lost track of my speedometer. Blame it on the strings. Blame it on the rain. Blame it on Josh Groban if you must but I feel fairly convinced that I was not responsible for my temporary breaking of the traffic laws of this good land.

As I slowed down I started thinking, what would I have told the officer if I’d been pulled over during my…erm…performance/brainstorming session? I think I would have had to tell the truth. “Josh Groban made me do it. He’s in league with Dr. Phil and Oprah. I had no choice.”

In high school I had a friend who totaled his father’s car while taking it off a jump with some friends. He proceeded to tell his dad matter-of-factly that he was not responsible. He only did it because he was listening to the Beastie Boys at the time.

I imagine my Josh Groban defense would go over about as well. I haven’t seen that boy in… a while…

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