Passive Aggressive Christmas Cards

Dan and I wrap several presents for each other every Christmas. They’re mostly small things, DVDs, gift cards, a vegetable brush shaped like a tuna. On each present we place a stick-on gift tag and address it with a different set of cutesie nicknames.

To: Papa-sicle, Love: Mama-Pop
To: Computer Geek, from: Hot Blogger
To: Sugar Face, from: Googly Bear
To: Daddy Dan, Love: Mama Kate

These are meant to be funny, sometimes cute and always a teensy bit embarrassing. We stole the tradition from my parents who also frequently kissed while exchanging presents. I know. Gross. But here I am a parent myself and I’m doing the exact same thing.

Laylee disapproves of this tradition, not because of the gross shmooptitude or even the fact that it’s sometimes hard to figure out which present goes to whom at a family gathering. Her all-seeing eye of disapproval is turned towards us because we use sticky labels instead of making elaborate hand-written cards for each present.

She caught me doing this the week before Christmas and asked, “Aren’t you going to make a card for that present?”

“Nope,” I responded.

She looked disgusted. “Fine,” she said, “I’ll do it.”

I was confused. Afterall, it was my present to Dan. She took the name off the sticky label, “Daddy Dan” and incorporated it into this passive aggressive Christmas card.

The envelope:

“Because Mom didn’t want to.”

And then inside the card:

She then stuck this card onto my present for Dan over top of my sticky label. She made no secret that the actual present was from me but that due to my extreme laziness, she had needed to step in and take the gift to the next level.

I applaud her use of parentheses at the bottom of the card where she reiterates my lack of card-making desire. This mom person must be quite the shmuck, I’ll tell you what.

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