Swabbing the Neck

Although she’s been known to ingest her fair share of playing cards in her day, Wanda has discerning tastes when it comes to real food. She likes her rice cereal done just so and only sometimes. She enjoys fruits and occasionally tolerates vegetables if the moon is in the proper phase.

Wanda begins each meal with her jaw clamped tightly shut. You can press the spoon against the thin line of her lips. Nothing. Na-da. She will not budge. If you happen to squish in a small amount of food, she will savor it thoughtfully and if she finds it a worthy specimen, she will open her mouth and give it entrance into her digestive system.

Wanda likes the taste of food better after it has been spat out 2-3 times. The yummy food goes in and then – SQUERCH – she spits it through an amazingly small opening in her lips with incredible speed and distance. I scoop it up off her bib, the tray, my bib, the wall and stick it back in her mouth. When the food is eventually seasoned to her liking, Wanda humors me by swallowing a bite and we proceed to the next.

I think the truth is, she believes in quality family time around the dinner table. Why rush through a meal when you can spend a nice evening with your peeps, eating and re-eating and re-eating your dinner one. bite. at. a. time?

The hardest part of dinner with Babida Bubbida Boe is swabbing the neck. It’s nearly impossible to find the neck and once you do, you have to pull back so much “skin” to clean it that the grand finale of most meals is a big fat scream fest. And I just have to say in my sweetsiest voice, “But Wanda, I love you too much to let food rot in your neck folds.” Tough love – it’s a choice I make every day of my life.

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